Being Your Own Cupid
By Jennifer Snyder
Why is it that on February 14th, a mere 1/365 of the year, powerful women allow the media to define love with endless commercials for jewelry, chocolate, and roses. By the end of the day, separated and divorced women often feel like using Cupid's bow and arrow in ways not intended by the naked little angel.
What I'm about to share with you comes from "hands on" experience - I recall spending more than a few cold and miserable mid-February nights with no signs of Hallmark, Godiva, or Helzberg on the horizon. To help us separate illusion from reality, sorrow from celebration; here are two facts I know to be true.
Love doesn't exist only between partners, but is experienced between everyone.
Do you recall every Valentine's Day being picture perfect when you were in a relationship? The typical scenario in commercials is but an illusion, a fantasy. Even coupled, we longed for that look of adoration!
Once you begin to accept that Valentine's Day will be different this year, you can plan a day celebrating affection in other ways. Unless you honestly feel the need to grieve your recent loss alone, the trick is to make plans now.
Here are some ideas: Volunteer to lead a craft or baking activity for children or senior citizens. Offer to be the parent responsible for the Valentine's Day party at your child's school. Distributing frosted cupcakes, or ensuring that twenty-five valentines from twenty-five children each reach their destination, will help you realize just how much love there is.
Celebrate with the people that love you - your girlfriends or your children. Plan early for a night out or a party at home. It's tough to beat a handmade card reminding you that you really are the best mom in the world. And even the quote my daughter uses with friends - "sisters before misters" - has a certain empowered ring to it.
Being in a relationship does not define who you are.
If you plan to spend February 14th alone, focus on ways to truly nurture and celebrate yourself. We put so much effort into demonstrating our love for others but what lengths do we go to for ourselves? I recall frantically selling textbooks in college to afford an expensive basketball for my boyfriend, or begging a salesperson four states away to mail me a toy on my son's list for Santa. However, if asked on the spur of the moment how I might spend a rejuvenating evening alone, I might mutter something about video rental and Chinese take out. There's nothing wrong with a relaxing evening like this but given time to properly plan, I can show myself a better time! Again, the trick is to plan early!
One of the positive things about being separated or divorced is that you only have your needs and desires to consider. You don't have to sit through an action film, beer and peanuts at the bar, or a sporting event unless you so choose. How do you want to spend your time? The choice is yours!
Remember, there are 365 days each year to show love and demonstrate affection, and at least as many ways to celebrate Valentine's Day. May yours be worthy of the celebration you so deserve.
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