Making Your Holidays Merry and Bright
By Jennifer Snyder
As a newly divorced parent, I dreaded with great anxiety that first holiday without my children. Other than planning to sit in a cold, dark house feeling sorry for myself, I had no idea what I would do with my time. As each day passed in November, the more my apprehension grew.
By the time Jolly Old St. Nick appeared, I'd met a man who to this day I can't refer to as even Mr.-Right-for-The-Moment. Looking back, I realize that his difficulty to "win friends and influence people" was the reason behind his own isolated holidays, but back in November 1991 that didn't seem to matter. By sharing my time with him, at least I wasn't spending the holidays alone.
I'll fill you in on a secret&we did not snack on cookies and cocoa, decorate a tree, or ever sit in front of a fire that year. Instead, I spent my entire holiday weekend helping him move garage tools from one location to another.
I wish I'd known then about the benefits of nurturing myself. More than any elaborately decorated package under the grandest tree, I wish I'd understood that the power was in my hands to give myself the gift of a good Christmas. No, my immediate family was no longer intact, and my children didn't surround me as I wished, but I certainly could have done a better job wrapping myself in the spirit of the season.
Here are some nurturing ways to spend your solo holidays:
Make your plans ahead of time. There's nothing worse than waiting to the last minute and learning that your opportunities are truly limited. Pull out your calendar now to get a good idea of those times you'll be alone. Plan at least one activity for each day.
Holidays are a time for family get-togethers (both pleasurable and not-so-pleasurable) and you will probably see families everywhere you look. Know that this is a transitional time in your life and the feelings you're experiencing now won't last forever.
Embrace the memories of past holidays. They were a special time in your family's history yet try to focus on the new memories you'll soon be making.
Think of new traditions for yourself and your children. My holidays as a single mother no longer allowed me the "luxury" of making gingerbread houses, and I can't tell you what a relief it was to let go of that stressful tradition. For several solo years, I decorated a second small tree in my bedroom, complete with favorite angel ornaments and white lights. As a single woman, there wasn't anyone to clear it with first.
Use your days for self care. Whether it's catching up on sleep, videos, reading, or creative projects, think of all those activities you say you never have time for, and do them!
During the holidays, we often hurriedly try to squeeze in shopping, and other secret missions we can't do around little eyes and hands. Early this season, why not use your time alone to do things you can't do with your children.
Spend time with friends and family who will nurture you and can understand your emotions. Remember that you don't need to even settle for Mr.-Right-For-This-Moment. If you're not satisfied with the invitations you receive, host your own party or dinner. Staying busy may be exactly what you need right now.
Spend the day volunteering for individuals less fortunate than you. Glad tidings come to those who open their hearts.
Shift your thinking so that the day with your children is your Christmas. While we commemorate the religious holiday of December 25th, your Christmas can be any day you're surrounded by spirit, peace, and those you love.
Acknowledge your power this holiday season to attain the spirit you most desire. May your Christmas be merry and bright.
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