RENEWING YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER
It is easy to become stuck in our routines and automatic behaviors. While this is necessary is some ways, it also has the effect of numbing us and putting us out of touch with what’s going on with ourselves and our partners. We don’t truly hear what they’re saying to us, many cries for help go unheard, many moments of beauty, unnoticed. Unless one understands what love truly consists of, (and how to keep it growing), unless we can break out of deadening routines, it may be difficult to withstand all the challenges and changes relationships go through.
Too often we see our partners in the same old way as well. We have not noticed how they’ve grown or changed. Perception can be fatal, as we perceive another, so they become. When we see a person in a certain way and expect one kind of behavior from them, that is often what we get. When we hold onto an old picture of a person, not only can it prevent them from growing, but also it can act as a strong deterrent to our love. If we do not take the time to stop and truly be present with our loved ones daily, find out where and who they are today, before long they can become strangers to us.
Not only is it easy to take the love of others for granted, it is also easy to take our love for our partner for granted as well. This is a very dangerous mistake. Love is a verb, it grows and is nourished through action. Love changes, falters, develops. It is delicate and needs our attention and care. When love is not expressed, anger and withdrawal often follow. In fact love that is not translated into daily behavior, may not be love at all. .
Like weeds in a garden, untended relationships can easily wither. So many find out too late that their loved ones have become strangers to them. The trust, communication and sharing that should have been on-going simply has not taken place. The good news is that it is simple and enjoyable to renew your relationship and to do it daily. The process actually consists of two parts. Each is equally important and each will be equally rewarding for both of you.
Preparation
Part 1 is preparatory time. This involves time spent with oneself. It is important to take stock of where you are now, what you are feeling and what is going on inside. This is time spent listening to inner promptings, time when one is honest with oneself. If you are not aware of your own feelings, needs and disappointments, how can your partner be? As you are taking stock check in with what you want for yourself, how you see the future, and how the relationship is working right now.
Write this all down in a journal. Be certain that you are able to differentiate between what your dreams, feelings, fears and images are, and what is truly going on. Look and see if you are giving your partner room to be who they are as well.
Realize that your partner does not exist to make your life complete. It is up to you.to During time spent with yourself, it is not unusual to experience a feeling of disappointment with the relationship. Some feel drained, or burnt out. This usually takes place when they are in a power struggle, or unable to receive the warmth, attention or consideration they desire.
There is nothing wrong with feeling this way. It does not mean love has died. It’s important to face and acknowledge these feelings. By spending time alone, and giving to yourself, some of the weariness and burn out can be relieved. By becoming aware of your needs rather than hiding from them, and blaming your partner, you can then find healthy ways to have them fulfilled.
There is a weariness factor in all relationships.. When you acknowledge how you are truly feeling, you then do not have to act these feelings out. Instead, it becomes possible to go a step further and, in a spirit of exploration and mutual respect see what can be done.
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