Car Trips can Breed Fights
Jeanette Kasper © 2002
Finally, you're on your way; the car is packed; you even remembered everything this time! The kids are settled, you've had your coffee; all those unfinished jobs on your desk are left behind. You are free! How long does it take for the little things in the car to get on your nerves? The kids start bickering; the age-old are we there yet? How much longer? starts.
"As soon as anyone starts getting frustrated, it's time to stop the car," states Jeanette Kasper, Calgarian author of Anger Is NOT an Emotion. "Angry starts with the release of adrenaline into the body. As soon as the adrenaline hits our system (that takes a split second) we go into fight or flight. The big problem is that once the adrenaline hits the bloodstream, it takes a long time to clear it out. And, if anything else irritating happens before all the adrenaline is cleared out, we find ourselves exploding."
Most of us have done it. Do you remember having a really bad day at work (or where ever). At the end of the day, you consciously calm yourself down. By the time you get home, you're calm and relaxed. You go in the house, and maybe sit for a few minutes, or go straight into the kitchen to start dinner. You feel fine until one of the kids, your spouse, or the family dog makes the fatal mistake of breathing! And you ripped them apart! We've all done it. It's the adrenaline.
Once we've released adrenaline into the body we have a long-term problem. First we have to calm down-which can sometimes take hours (or even days!), then we have to wait another 20 minutes to ensure the adrenaline is completely flushed from the system. If there is even a bit of adrenaline still in the bloodstream, it's as though there is a hole in the dike. The least little thing can cause another huge flood of adrenaline, the dike bursts, and you're really angry.
In the enforced intimacy and inaction in a car, the likelihood of a big fight between spouses or between parents and kids is far greater than anyplace else. Someone gets irritated, the next person gets frustrated, the adrenaline builds, and raging fights occur. But there are many techniques and games to use in the car to keep everyone sane until you get there!
1. Picnic in the park. When everyone is hungry, stop in the next small town. Bring your lunch along, or buy it there; the key is to eat at the school playground. Rain or shine, eat and then get everyone running around for 30 minutes. Exercise is the key way to clear adrenaline from the system. Exercise also releases endorphins (the 'feel-good' guys). The more you run around, the better you feel. Back in the car, the endorphins will run rampant, and everyone will be in a good mood.
2. Story tapes--from your local library (or garage sales). Get each of the kids a $10 cassette player with headphones. The quiet emanating from the backseat as they each tune into their own stories will have you grinning. Or play the stories over the car system. Everyone enjoys listening to longer stories. Three of our favorites were The Sesame Street Alphabet, The Elephant Child narrated by Jack Nicholson, and Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling. Many car arguments between adults have been calmed and forgotten by listening to audio-cassette learning series. Again, get them at the library. You'll be calm & learning about something new!
3. Punch Buggy (with a twist). Hitting is bad, so whoever calls the punch buggy first, (Volkswagen beetle) get a Skittle (or other small, favorite candy), instead of hitting the nearest person. We often change the game. We've looked for cars exactly like ours, emergency vehicles (fire trucks, police cars), tow trucks with their lights flashing, and currently, ragtops with the top down and vintage vehicles.
4. The Numbers game-finding the numbers in sequential order from 1 - 100 on signs and license plates. Or, find repeated numbers like: quadruple 7s, double 23s. We also included the odometer in this game.
5. The Alphabet game-finding the alphabet in sequential order, again from signs and license plates. When you go into the doubles, finding two A's, two B's, etc., it becomes very challenging. Drivers shouldn't play this game.
6. When all else fails, we play the Quiet Game. Everyone who is quiet for 5 minutes gets 5 M&Ms (or other candy). We usually play this towards the end of the trip as everyone gets fidgety and anxious for the trip to be over. (They're probably fidgety because of sugar over, especially in our car, but little candies work wonders as incentives.)
There are many games and fun things to do in the car, so that all the passengers remain calm and happy and you enjoy the trip. Remember that exercise is primary, especially if anyone is getting angry or frustrated. A happy trip is the beginning of what is supposed to be a fun, relaxing time together with the kids. Plan accordingly and, Happy Travels!
