Repair those Important Relationships BEFORE Christmas
Jeanette Kasper © 2002
So you've had an ongoing family feud with one of your parents, siblings or children. It got so bad that you had enough, and you haven't spoken to that person in years. Or maybe they ended contact with you. But it doesn't bother you, at all!
I understand how much of a JERK that other person was! I understand how it was THEIR FAULT that the relationship ended! I understand how you have NO INTEREST in ever even thinking about that person, every again! Just one question: How much time do you spend, every day, every week, talking and thinking about that person? Be honest, if only with yourself. If you're feeling really brave, ask your coworkers or friends how often you talk about that ostracized person. And you're not allowed to argue with their answer! It's amazing how many people ended relationships with important family members, swear that it doesn't bother them, and talk about that broken relationship with everyone they meet!
"People who end contact with someone from their primary family have removed their ability to feel safe. These are the people who become extremely difficult to deal with. They become negaholics, chronic complainers, control freaks, and blameless Bobs and Betty," says Jeanette Kasper, author of the Canadian best seller Anger Is NOT an Emotion. They SAY they never think about that rejected person, yet they mention that person in conversations with friends, coworkers, and strangers on a very regular basis. As one of those strangers who gives presentations on Winning with Difficult People and I'm 50% Perfect, 50% Under Construction, Mrs. Kasper is always amazed at how often people will talk about a broken relationship in a group of 50 - 250 strangers, then deny they ever even think about that person! How much time, energy, and thought power could you reclaim, if that relationship were repaired, if the situation truly was over. It's only going to take one small effort on your part. That effort is to put your ego on hold! Admit to your part in the problem. (Even if only in your head.) And issue an invitation to talk with your rejected person in a public place. Neutral territory. Coffee shops are great-there are always too many people around to talk too loudly or get too upset.
The following five statements are essential in your written invitation:
1. I've missed your company because.
2. My problem in this whole situation was.
3. I know this isn't your problem, but I'd really like to meet and reach a solution that works for both of us.
4. Could we please meet at (coffee shop) on (day, month, year, time, date).
5. I'll call two days before to confirm our coffee date.
If they agree to meet with you, you only have to keep three things in mind during your meeting:
1. At all costs, you must stay calm and objective.
2. You CANNOT try to force them to apologize for their part in the situation, although YOU WILL apologize for your part.
3. Take full responsibility for your part in the situation, but DO NOT force them to admit theirs.
4. Listen, without comment, when they talk about what they need from you to repair the relationship.
And you must ask specifically for what you need from them to ensure this whole situation never gets recreated, You would feel great about yourself if YOU took the steps to be reasonable, rational, and in control enough that you made the first contact, kept your cool, and worked it out. You'd be a great guest if you stopped complaining about that same old situation and had new, exciting topics of conversation for your remaining Christmas parties. And you'd free up all that thought power and energy to go forward in your own life!
Calgary author Jeanette Kasper is an acclaimed professional speaker who's Canadian BEST SELLER, Anger is NOT an Emotion, is revolutionizing how we deal with others. This unique perspective on human behavior gives us an understanding of how people relate to each other that leads naturally to using the over 300 solutions Mrs. Kasper gives in her book.
As a best-selling author, international professional speaker, and syndicated columnist, Jeanette is always willing to answer your questions, give interviews, and do a training session with your company, association, or parenting group. Jeanette concentrates on helping others create harmonious relationships at work, home, and play.
To contact Jeanette with questions, for interviews, or for more information about booking her for your next meeting call toll free: 1-877-238-6865
www.beyouinc.com
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