When Youre Feeling Blue
Ive been feeling down lately. Things that ought to be really enjoyable are just blah, Im more irritable than usual, and all the changes Ive gone through since becoming a mom a year ago seem to have finally caught up with me.
Because of the stresses and physical depletion that come amidst all the wonderful parts! with raising a family, about half of all mothers have significant feelings of sadness or depressed mood, and one in eight will go through a clinical depression. So if you are feeling blue, youre in good company!
First, you should make sure that you arent clinically depressed, which means experiencing five or more of these symptoms for two weeks or longer: depressed mood; loss of pleasure in things that used to be enjoyable; weight loss; insomnia or hypersomnia; intense restlessness or sluggishness; fatigue; strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt; hard to concentrate or make decisions; recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.
If you fulfill these criteria or come close, you should contact a therapist or doctor. Counseling is very effective for most depressions, and there are also many research-based alternatives to antidepressants listed in our book, Mother Nurture; antidepressants are a workable option about two-thirds of the time, typically combined with counseling.
Hopefully, youre not clinically depresed, and the suggestions below should help lift your spirits:
" Make sure youre in good health, since depressed mood is the single most common symptom among all illnesses; check with your doctor or a specialist in womens health.
" Try to get some kind of exercise three or four times a week; exercise is about as effective as antidepressants for mild depression.
" Also make sure youre taking a good multivitamin/multimineral supplement, and add to it a B-vitamin complex and some Omega-3 essential fatty acids (the good fats in fish oil), both of which have been shown to reduce depressed mood.
" Honestly acknowledge to yourself the harder parts of raising a family, and any losses youve experienced as a result of becoming a mother and perhaps talk about them with your partner or a friend as well. Having compassion for yourself is not self-indulgent, but a good way to feel better and also stay at your best for your family.
" Pay attention to everything thats going well, not badly, and try to see the humor in your situation (see the box!).
" Talk back to pessimistic thoughts in your mind by arguing with them forcefully. A fundamental psychological skill is to be able to observe ones thoughts dispassionately and question how true or wise they are.
" Get out and have some fun. We know this sometimes seems impossible, but if you make it a priority and talk with your partner about watching the children or make an arrangement with another mom to do something enjoyable together with your kids it will certainly happen.
" Connect with other people. Women seem to have evolved to rely on tend and befriend more than fight or flight reactions to cope with stress; reaching out to others actually releases hormones that protect your body from stress. We often withdraw from people when were feeling down, but instead, try to call a friend.
Top Ten Topics for Future Presentations at Our Mothers Club
This was a tongue-in-cheek list of future topics offered to the membership of a mothers club:
10. Breasts - Here Today, Gone Tomorrow
9. Hips - Gone Today, Here Tomorrow
8. Timesaver - How to Starch Business Suits So You Can Sleep in Them
7. Dinner in a Diaper - New Product Idea
6. 365 Meals You Can Make with One Hand
5. Sex after Kids - When, Where, How, and Why?
4. How to Turn Spit Up Stains into Fashion Statements
3. Styling Techniques for Unwashed Hair
2. Baby Talk - I Understand It, and It Scares Me
1. How to Stop the Crying - Yours!
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This column is offered freely to parent-related organizations. If you know of another newsletter that might like to carry it besides the one in which you are reading it now, please encourage that organization to contact Rick Hanson at the email address below. Or just email Rick with the contact info and he will approach the organization.
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