Pilgrim Prayers for Single Fathers
by David Albert Farmer
I Need a Break
He went to bed that night more than exhausted. As a single dad, he was used to the physical fatigue at the end of a day; lack of physical energy wasn't unusual at all. But that night was different. ALL his energy sources gave off warning signals that they had run dry.
He had no emotional energy remaining. Sometimes, he laughed to regain his energy. Almost every day, one of the kids-or both-said something really funny. When all else seemed too stressful and overly demanding, discouragement setting in, the kids' quips and questions, sometimes intended to be funny and sometimes not intended to be funny at all, made him laugh. In that laughter, almost always there was a new burst of energy for him to be able to get back up the next day and try to be the best parent he could possibly be to the most incredible people in the world who called him, "Daddy." Even that didn't work that night, though. He was in an overextended place, way out of bounds.
The spiritual strength on which he relied so heavily, that had been depleted too. There was no inclination to pray-not because he didn't like or trust God at the moment, but because even prayer requires a certain investment of energy. He had none.
He never remembered being at such a place in his life, and if he'd had the ability to feel anything at all, he would have been afraid. Mentally, his clear thinking sort of came and went. He wondered for a minute what in the world he would do if one of the kids had a crisis in the night. He might just as easily run out and lift up the front end of his car as gather the energies to change a wet bed, clean up the pizza that was only partially digested before checking out of one small tummy, or stay awake and focused enough to help one of the kids calm down after a bad dream.
This dad was in a danger zone, and he knew it. He realized in his exhaustion that for the sake of the children, he could never let this happen to himself again. As hard as it was to arrange for times and ways to be away from the kids for a little bit, he had to do it for everyone's sake. All he could do at that moment was to wish for one of his small family's occasional peaceful nights.
o o o
In the morning, while it was still very dark, he [Jesus] got up and went out to a deserted place, and there he prayed.-Mark 1:35
o o o
Gracious God,
OK. I'm not exaggerating.
I've had it, Lord. You know (of course you would know) that I'm honestly near the end of my rope. (I thought I'd reached the end, but evidently there is still a small part for me to clutch.)
I need a break from being parental!
There is no more patience, none; no more energy-physical or emotional. I'm
non-functional as a father right now, but...but I'm all my kids have. Still, if I don't replenish myself, my effectiveness can only deteriorate further; that would be a scary sight for all of us.
Gracious God, I need help in order to act on the insight you've given me. As tough as it is to arrange, I will work out some kind of reprieve from responsibility, however brief it may be.
Whoever made me think that I'm indefatigable, a real superman? I'm embarrassed that my pride allowed me to believe such nonsense and get to this point of near desperation.
Amen.
o o o
In a letter to her sister, Nettie, Celie recounts a conversation she had with her friend, Shug:
You telling me God love you, and you ain't never done nothing for him? I mean, not go to church, sing in the choir, feed the preacher and all like that?
But if God love me, Celie, I don't have to do all that. Unless I want to. There's a lot of other things I can do that I speck God likes.
Like what? I ast.
Oh, she say, I can lay back and just admire stuff. Be happy. Have a good time.
Source: Alice Walker, The Color Purple (New York: Pocket Books/Simon & Schuster Inc., 1982), 200.
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