The Hardest Challenge: Getting A Family Member To Accept Help
www.FamilyCareAmerica.com
Sometimes convincing a loved one to accept help is the toughest part
of being a caregiver. Understanding the factors that contribute to resistance
is the first step in meeting this challenge.
Factor: Accepting help is viewed as an admission that the individual
is no longer self-sufficient or "in control."
Possible Solution: If possible, it is best for the care receiver to
be involved in the decision-making process. Have your loved one become
as active as possible from the beginning such as making telephone calls
or being present at interviews). This will allow the person to feel
more in control and make the outcome more palatable.
People feel in charge of their lives when they have all of the information.
When "selling" a solution, be able to provide your loved one
with the facts. For example:
· The limits of service or the time frame involved.
· How much it will cost and who will pay.
· How any payments (including insurance co-payments) will be
handled
· When the service will be available and what is required to
be eligible.
When the care receiver is advanced in age or confused, it is particularly
important to make changes slowly. It may be necessary to discuss the
need for a service many times before the individual understands and
accepts the changes. Make changes in small steps, or introduce new activities
for a very short period of time at first, so the care receiver is not
confused or overwhelmed by the situation.
Factor: To some people, using community services feels like the equivalent
of accepting charity or "going on welfare."
Possible Solution: Community-based services (particularly those offered
at reduced fees or free of charge) are frequently funded through taxes.
If this is the case, you can help the family member understand that
he or she has "pre-paid" for these services, and it is not
the same as accepting charity.
Factor: An obstacle to using services like home health aides can be
an unwillingness to trust outsiders. Many people do not want strangers
in their homes. They feel vulnerable. While only a very few have been
involved in incidents of abuse involving service people or repairmen,
many have heard stories of such things.
Possible Solution:
Everyone has a right to their feelings and as a caregiver, it is important
to acknowledge the fears your loved one may have. Instead of telling
Mom that she doesn't need to be afraid, recognize that a little fear
is a healthy thing. Explain what you have done to insure her safety
and protect her valuables, such as: performing criminal background checks
on any in-home workers; only dealing with agencies that are reputable,
licensed and bonded; and getting referrals from qualified professionals.
Knowing that you take Mom's concerns seriously will help her feel more
comfortable.
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