Proposed Annual Holiday: Step Sunday
Beth Bruno © 2001
There are millions of unsung heroes and heroines in our midst, men
and women who deserve recognition but get a bum rap instead. Who are
they? They are people like me.
When I met the man I eventually married, he brought two tag-alongs
with him on nearly every date. He lived in one state: I lived in another;
and his two "extras" lived in yet another. We got together
on weekends and crammed as much fun into 48 hours as we could before
putting them on a plane (supervised by a stewardess) and then departing
for our separate states. The tag-alongs, his children, were as important
to our courtship as he was.
I loved the nine-year-old's droll wit and the seven-year-old's impish
grin. They mercilessly ragged on me for my Midwestern twang, collapsing
with laughter at my pronunciation of any word with "ar" in
it. We filled our weekends with games, concerts, shopping, craft projects
and home-cooked or restaurant favorites. We spent vacations in Alaska,
Florida, Michigan and Vermont.
The dark side, leave-taking, nearly took our breath away. We never
grew accustomed to the hellos and good-byes. Guilt swept over the girls
for having fun when they knew that their mother had spent the weekend
without them. More guilt flooded them for feeling affection toward me.
The fairytale wish for reconciliation of their divorced mom and dad
persisted, even though years had passed since the break-up. I had no
part in their parents' estrangement (I didn't even know them then),
but my presence in their lives reminded them that their birth family's
story would have no "happily ever after" ending.
The impish one begged me not to marry her father; her droll, quieter
sister kept her feelings to herself, but her silence felt like rejection
all the same. We hated the words that described our connection after
their dad and I married; the words "stepmother" and "stepdaughter,"
seemed like flashing neon signs that said, "not-real-mother"
and "not-real-daughter." It had been much easier for them
to introduce me as their Dad's friend Beth and for me to introduce them
as Gordon's daughters, Terry and Cindy.
Yet I was proud to be legally related to these two wonderful children,
who have enriched my life since the day we met. I've enjoyed doting
on them and have always wished they could dote on me, not because we're
related by marriage but because we have so much fun together and genuinely
love each other. Early on, there were too many conflicting feelings
for that. I reassured them that I was not trying to take the place of
their mother in any way; nor was I trying to compete with their mother
for their affections. We've come to terms with these complexities over
the years.
People like me are the unsung heroes and heroines; we are the stepmothers
and stepfathers of the world who genuinely love their kin by marriage
and show it, day after day, just like birth parents and true friends
do.
In honor of stepmothers, stepfathers and step-relatives everywhere,
I propose an annual holiday for stepfamilies to be called Step Sunday.
I propose that we celebrate Step Sunday on August 4th, 2002, and every
first Sunday of August thereafter. On Step Sunday we will honor the
men, women and children in blended families, who grow to love the relatives
they acquire by marriage as if they were their own.
I chose the month of August for Step Sunday, because the word "august"
means: inspiring awe and reverence; imposing and magnificent; worthy
of respect because of age and dignity; venerable; grand.. a little over-the-top,
perhaps, but I think it's high time!
To those who agree with me that stepparents and their step-relatives
deserve a special annual holiday, please let friends and relatives know.
We can easily get the word out in time to celebrate August 4th, 2002,
as the next Step Sunday. Plan to honor and bestow gifts on your step-relatives.
Let them know, just like you let your friends and blood relatives know,
that your love for them is real for dozens of real reasons. Families
with stepparents and stepchildren can and do live "happily ever
after."
Important note: I have two stepdaughters, three stepgrandsons, one
stepmother and three stepsiblings. I had better start shopping!
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