How do you handle conflict?
Ignore it?
Blast back?
Back away and shut down?
Think of the witty, cutting retort S. ten minutes later? >
There are better ways to face tension that enable others to save face,
seld-correct, cool off and for you to retain your act like someone you
can respect later on.
Here's one reason to read this article:
Don't let somebody else determine your behavior. You CAN choose ways
to act without backing or pushing back that can actually increase your
standing with others and not harden a difficult situation into a permanent
stand-off. Based on the research on our gut instinctual reactions, Here
are some ways to keep cool while under fire Snext time. They aren't
always easy, but they are easier than the reactionary alternatives we
sometimes resort to in the heat of the moment.
And you will admire how you acted afterwards, as will others: 1. Don't
assume they readily see the picture you are presenting. Do not presume
the person recognizes the benefits of what you're proposing. Take time
to vividly describe them in their terms.
· Don't push for closure when they are still escalating. When
considering how fast to move in making a suggestion, lean towards moving
slower, especially at first.
· Ask the other person to propose a way to resolve the conflict.
It is only human that one will put more effort into proving that his
solution is workable, than hi will instinctively find a way to prove
that someone else's idea is the best one. Simply ask the other person
for advice, "What would make it better for both of us?"
· Have a main spokesperson. If there is more than one person
representing your interests, have one person take the lead in discussions.
· Don't offer what you can't accept. Do not bluff in making
an offer you cannot live with, if accepted.
· Propose the same solution in a different way. Do not overlook
rearranging the same elements of an offer to find a more mutually attractive
compromise.
· Walk your talk. Find ways to reflect your values in how you
approach work and your personal life. Your mission provides daily context
and boundaries.
· Be present. As many contests require, "You have to be
present to win." Keep grounded and involved in what is happening
right now, what is being said at the moment, glancing to the past and
future only for context and balance.
· Consider how you say what you say. Consider their perspective
in how you make any request. For example, a priest once asked his superior
if he could smoke while praying, which led to a denial of his request.
Yet if he'd asked if he could pray while smoking he might have received
a positive response.
· Make and keep agreements. In an often unpredictable world,
you build an "emotional deposit' of trust when your words and actions
aren't contradictory. Then when you make mistakes, as you will, they
have built up a level of trust to help them forgive your lapse.
· Have a larger vision of yourself - your best side - as your
reference point for making daily choices. Establish your central life
purpose and core values and let your actions reflect them. Your choices
are much easier to make, you will inspire loyalty and attract others
to act out their best side when around you.
· Take your high road. Have a core set of values and a vision
of your service and role in your life; relate your vision to the mission
of your organization, your role among family and friends and your actions
in reaching agreements.
· Show them the positive longer view. Many seemingly foolish
disagreements and negotiations are simply acting to prevent looking
foolish later on. The best peacemakers work hardest to allay the other
person's worries first.
· Look for the real source of the anger. When someone is angry
with you, consider that she may be upset with herself before you respond.
· Problems seldom exist at the level at which they are discussed.
When you are involved in any argument lasting more than ten minutes,
ask yourself: "Are we arguing about what our disagreement is really
about or is there a deeper conflict not being discussed?"
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